As 2018 nears its end, many adults begin to set New Year’s Resolutions for the coming year. New Year’s Resolutions are notoriously unsuccessful for most who set them. There are many reasons for this – we tend to set unrealistic goals, our goals aren’t specific, and we set the same goals every year with very little change in how we approach them. How many times have you heard someone say, “This year I’m going to lose weight”? Likely every year, as this is one of the most common New Year’s Resolutions and one of the most unsuccessful.
This year, I’m trying something a little different and I invite you to try it with me. Instead of focusing on New Year’s Resolutions, I will be engaging in New Year’s Reflections. Rather than leaping to think up a bunch of vague goals that I will likely forget by February, I am dedicating carved out time to sit and reflect on my year. What am I proud of? What was disappointing? How did I spend my time, why did I spend it this way, and how did those activities make me feel? How did my actions lead me closer to my goals – or further from them? How did I actively support my mental health, physical health, and emotional health? In what ways did these go unsupported?
For example, during my reflection I noticed thinking that I had overbooked myself this year (the action), because it is hard for me to say no to events that sounds fun or that evoke a sense of obligation for me (the why) which lead to an increase in stress (the impact on mental health), poorer eating habits when I was too busy to cook or grocery shop (the impact on physical health), and feelings of disappointment in not getting as much down time as I feel I need (the impact on emotional health).
This type of reflection can help me to set a clear intention for myself in the coming year. In 2019 I will dedicate energy and conscious thought to invitations before responding. I will look to my calendar and reflect on how I feel to consider the potential impact on my stress levels, physical health, and down time before saying yes. I will practice thinking before responding. Setting this clear intention, knowing the ‘why’ behind it, and writing it down will help me to create lasting change in this specific area of my life.
So then, how does this relate to children’s mental health? Well, children learn to do what the adults in their lives are doing. If the adults in children’s lives are setting the same goals every year and giving up after a few months, children are learning that goal setting doesn’t work. If children see their caregivers sitting down with a journal for a few minutes, hear them speaking with self-compassion about what went well for themselves this year and what they would like to change, and see and hear them checking in on their goals and actively working towards them even after they stray, children are more likely to adopt this form of thinking, reflecting, and action.
I also invite you to engage your children in self-reflection – both ongoing, and at the turn of a new year. What are your children’s learning goals, athletic goals, artistic goals? Are they working towards anything specific right now? How did their time on their electronics this past year impact their progress towards their goals (for example)?
This is also a great time to reflect as a family. How was your communication as a family this year? How did your communication strategies impact your relationships within your family? Maybe homework time has been a struggle this year. Why? What went well, what were the barriers? How can you work together as a family to create small lasting changes that will improve your relationships?
This is a time to get out those journals (or iPad notes, or google docs, or blank paper) and reflect. Write down what you notice so you can come back to it later. Talk to those you trust about what you feel proud of and what you are aiming to change this year. And most importantly, approach your reflection with self-love and self-compassion.
I will be taking a few weeks off to celebrate the holidays with family and friends. Wishing you all joy and love as you wind down 2018 and prepare for the coming year.
Until next year,
Meg
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