I’ve talked to tons of parents. Moms, dads, adoptive parents, foster parents, kinship caregivers, single parents, divorced parents, step-parents, parents from wealthy families to parents living on social assistance. I’ve talked to parents who were born in different countries, parents from different races and religions, parents who live next door to their extended families and those who are living in a new city on their own.
Every parent is different. Yet every parent I have met has something in common: At some point, they have felt like a bad parent. They have all felt like they have failed in some way – made the wrong choices, yelled too much, fed their kids the wrong food, didn’t give enough hugs.
Each parent I meet is striving to achieve an image they have in their minds of the parent they ‘should’ be. The Perfect Parent.
Even though we all know this doesn’t exist, the pressure remains. Images from social media and advertising reinforce this myth that everyone else is perfect. I promise you, this is not true – like not even close. After every perfect family picture is a parent trying to manage a tantrum, or being genuinely too busy to cook dinner and getting take out, or yelling right after they promised themselves they wouldn’t yell anymore. No one is perfect.
So next time you yell, or give in to avoid a meltdown, or learn a new strategy you weren’t using before, notice what your automatic response is. Are you immediately down on yourself for not already knowing or doing something? Are you overwhelmed with thoughts about how everyone else can do this but you can’t? Are you comparing yourself to an image you have of someone else’s perfect life? Just notice. And then breathe and remind yourself that you are not alone. That every parent feels this way. That NO ONE is perfect and that perfection is never the goal.
The simple fact that you love your children means that you are doing your best – even if your best means missing nap time or forgetting to pack the diapers. And your best is enough.
Now Say it with me: There Are No Perfect Parents!
Each time you feel yourself slipping into the myth of the perfect parent – striving for something you know doesn’t exist – wisper to yourself “I am Enough”, talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling, and remember that you are not alone.
Until next time,
Meg
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